If I had died
In my accident,
Instead of merely suffering from
A traumatic,
Near-fatal,
Life-changing,
Life-altering
Injury,
One that left me in a
Coma
For
2
Months,
After hitting my head
On both the car
And on the ground,
Resulting in a
Double
Head
Injury,
Changing me
From a smart,
Pretty,
Popular,
Teenage girl,
Who was on Pom-pom,
Who had lots of friends,
Who was excited about starting high school
With all of my friends from junior high,
Into a 15 year old
BABY,
Who couldn't do
Anything by myself,
And had to learn how to do
Everything
All over again,
Including
Talking,
Walking,
Eating,
And Writing,
And who had to go to a
Different high school,
One where I didn't know
Anyone,
None of my friends
Who had known me
Before,
Because I was now
"Severely Handicapped,"
And starting high school
In a wheelchair,
And therefore,
Instead of going to a high school with
Elevators,
Where I would have been
Surrounded by my friends,
Who would have accepted me,
Because they knew me before,
They knew my potential,
They knew what I was
Capable of being,
Was instead
By the school board,
Who were clearly much more intelligent,
And knowledgeable,
And better able to make informed decisions,
Ones that would emotionally effect
The psyche of a
Young girl
Who was already
So injured,
And so damaged,
Both physically
And emotionally,
That nothing about her,
Nothing about her life,
Would ever be the same,
Was forced to go to
A school where
No one knew
ME,
Only knew a girl
Who barely had any hair,
But they didn't know it had been shaved off
In July,
Who was in a wheelchair,
Who rode a
"Special Bus"
to school,
And was in the
"Special Class"
for
"Special Kids",
Who could barely talk,
Who spoke very slowly & softly,
Because I had just re-learned
To talk again
A few months before,
Because I forgot
How to talk
While in the coma,
And I wrote funny,
Couldn't hold my pencil
Like everyone else did,
And I wrote so s-l-o-w,
Because I injured my
Fine Motor Skills
In the accident,
And I wore lots of makeup,
Because I was trying to hide,
Because I hated myself,
I hated my life,
I hated what I had become,
And what was left of me,
Because as time went on,
And I went from
Being in a wheelchair,
To using a walker,
To using a cane,
Until finally I was able
To walk alone,
Without assistance,
But I now limped,
And to this day,
I still limp,
And people still stare at me,
And whisper to each other,
When they think I'm not looking,
And make fun of me,
And imitate me,
And though I know they're just curious,
That they don't understand,
It still hurts,
And sometimes it makes me cry,
And I still have difficulty
With my handwriting,
And people really don't understand that one,
Because writing is something
That everyone can do,
That comes so naturally,
That most take for granted,
As I used to,
Once,
Before my life completely changed,
Before I almost died.